I set the intention to reconnect with my body and heal that relationship around the Spring equinox of 2022. As I began the work, the realization struck me that it felt like a rebellion to love this body. That I was going against how my family lived and what was handed down to me.

This is a journal entry from the day after that realization.

Thoughts skittering on the edge of awareness 3-16-22

Loving, enjoying, celebrating, accepting my body. Exactly as it is now. Now matter how fat it may be someday. That is a radical departure from what I have been taught and what has been modeled for me.

This work will be as transformative as finding my sacred center and firmly living in accordance with my personal purpose and core essence.

Finding my sacred center required raw and deep inward reflection. It required care and articulation and effort to distill. It required a teacher and witnesses.

After I found center, living in alignment took tremendous commitment to shedding the habits of lying, hiding, and over-sharing. I had to be excruciatingly honest with myself. I had to draw and enforce new boundaries. It took practice and rigor, growth and painful loss to build the new foundation, perspective, and habits.

To step into my sacred center and build my life from that place, I had to fiercely take my own side. I had to believe myself even in the face of direct opposition from people I trust and love. I had to withstand the storm.

That is the path ahead with my body.

Blessed be.